12 Kinds Of Sex Every Woman Needs To Have Before She Settles Down

We're sick of all these so-called relationship experts telling ladies the way to snag a man is to keep it in your pants, er, skirt. Listen, you prisses, not only are we way too old to be  virgins, but we sure as hell are glad we're not! Holding out for some kind of commitment only makes a gal feel like her vag is her primary value, not herself. Lame! And what about our desires? Doesn't that matter? Frankly, you have to test-drive some cars before you know which one you wanna buy, if you know what we mean. No matter what kind of sex you're into, there are certain experiences we think every woman needs to have before she settles down. Click through to see what sexy stuff we suggest you get around to before you decide to buy.

 Foreigner Sex

 You can barely pronounce his name, but boy does he talk pretty. Perhaps you’re traveling, or he came to you. Either way, don’t let the chance to have a fling with a foreign hottie pass you by. Hey, it might just be your only chance to see an uncircumcised one.

“The One” Sex

You thought he was, but he isn’t. He broke your heart and you wonder if you’ll ever have sex this good again. I promise, sister, when you do meet your match for reals, you’ll know this guy was a test of faith that made you (and your orgasms) stronger.

 Big D**K Sex

You must hunt down and slay lay the mythical dragon penis. Otherwise, you’ll always wonder how big is too big. You’ll have that gasp moment when it’s revealed to you and then you get to remember what it’s like to be a virgin when he sticks it in. Afterward, you get to brag to your girlfriends. But, finally, you can put the fantasy that a huge manhood has magical powers to rest. It’s just a Johnson, attached to a man, like all the others. And sometimes that man is an even bigger prick.

 Bad Sex

The kind of sex so mortifying that you want to take a shower after, immediately. It’ll help you appreciate good sex and even mediocre sex when you have it.

Angry Sex/Hate Sex/Breakup Sex

Whether you’re angry because he’s a Republican and you canvassed for Obama, or you're totally mad at your BF and want to call it off, anger is one potent aphrodisiac. It certainly starts the sexy time off with a bang! It’s like naked wrestling where everyone wins.

Rock Star Sex

Who doesn't fantasize about being someone's muse? When you’re some guy's Penny Lane, you feel like a million sexy bucks. And then cheap, like, two seconds later. But it always makes for an interesting story! So go, be someone's inspiration ... in bed.

Booty Sex

You should know if anal is your thing before you settle down. Test it out with someone you trust, preferably a mild-mannered sweetheart who is super gentle in the sack and who's also dispensable in case you don’t like it and never want to do it again. Because for dudes, once they pop, they can’t stop. And for some people, not getting any no-no factory action is a dealbreaker.

Girl On Girl Action

You don’t have to go all the way, but you have to at least kiss another girl. And it doesn’t count if you’re doing it for male attention; every liaison is best in private. There is a level of understanding yourself and your sexuality that comes from sexing it up with another woman, no matter how straight you think you are.

Age Gap Sex

Jump the age gap's bones. Bag a younger man and an older man. Especially when it comes to dudes, you have to comparison shop. I could make some sweeping generalizations here like your older man will lavish you with expensive gifts and attention, and the boy will have you screwing like bunnies, but in my experience that can be a load of bull. Test out men at every age, and you might just be surprised by what you find out about guys in general.

Being A “Top”

Put the dom in dominate. Three words: woman on top. You totally dominate this sexual experience. It’s you, in control, doing and getting what you want. Bonus points if it involves leather!

Can’t Keep It Up Sex

Sometimes he drank too much whiskey; sometimes he just did it solo— whatever the reason, sometimes you can’t get him up for the night and you have to accept that. No hard feelings, no pun intended. You have to figure out how to handle your insecurity over the situation in a way that doesn’t make a man feel worthless. It happens to every dude. Let’s just be grateful all we ladies have to do is show up, spread ‘em, and party on!

Self Love

Sisters are doing it for themselves! There is nothing more empowering and easy to do when it comes to your pleasure. Masturbation is important for learning what you like and how to get all the way home. And it's extra fun to get the job done with a vibrating play thing. You just can't miss out on what technology has to offer your ladyflower! But with or without batteries, thanks to masturbation, you'll be able to help future partners give you what you want.